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Am I Being a Baby or a B*tch

I’m going to preface this by saying- I’m NOT in a good space right now. I’m agitated, and annoyed. I force a smile upon my face daily to provide my children the comfort of knowing that mommy is going to be ok. Outside of wearing makeup to cover the skin rash, I also wear makeup to make my face look brighter and “awake”.

I’m realizing that some people have diarrhea of the mouth and don’t know when to SHUT UP! I understand that people sometime want to say something, but don’t know what to say. What I don’t need is for you to tell me about your family member(s) or neighbor(s) that died from Lupus. I’m NOT bringing the thought of death into my mind space. Dont’t tell me its reality- maybe YOUR REALITY- BUT NOT MINE! A typical convo go like this:

You: I’m so sorry to hear you have Lupus

Me: Thank you, I appreciate the concern

You: I had a cousin that had Lupus- the medications are deadly, it killed her

Me: -_- (no response)

You: tomorrow, I will bring you my cousin doctor’s info. We’ll talk about it later… I gotta go

WHAT!!! Do people not understand boundaries?? I find those types of conversations completely out of line- especially coming from people that I’ve only had 10-15 mins worth of conversation with in the past year. The first few time it happened I bitched about it internally and shrugged it off. The occurrences are too frequent. The last time, I told the person (while gritting my teeth) that the conversation was inappropriate and although I appreciate the concern, I would rather not discuss myself or Lupus any further- Good right? No… I find out later she went and told someone else that she was only trying to provide comforting words to me and I was being a bitch- how comforting is it telling me that the lupus meds killed your cousin?

In addition to people telling me death stories, I’m constantly being hit with “You don’t look sick!”Let’s address that- WHAT EXACTLY DOES SICK LOOK LIKE? Do I need to look like I’m on my death bed to appease you? you’re curiosity? What is your definition of a sick chick? Tell me?

I put in a lot of effort not to look the way I feel. Most times I feel like I’ve been ran over by a truck then shoved into the boxing ring with Mike Tyson {and he wins!). I still have to work, I still have to be available and mobile to my children and I don’t want to give into “being SICK”. I’m NOT going to do it!

I’ve never felt the type of fatigue that I experience at least 6 days out of 7. The smallest task (cooking for example) will take me to a place of exhaustion. I’m now listening to my body- when it says sit down, I sit… When it say lay down- I lay, when it say- YOU’RE NOT GOING- I DON’T GO… Point…Blank…

As, I’ve previously advised, I will not push my body beyond limits- won’t and cant! I will not allow any negative energy into my mental space- You’ve been EVICTED- so when I just turn and walk away from the negativity- take that as notice! You’ve been served!

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6 thoughts on “Am I Being a Baby or a B*tch”

  1. I feel you on all this. I know what you mean when you say those words "what does sick look like?" Keep surround yourself with those that know you will prove all the others wrong. Surround yourself with people who can help you through your worst and cheer with you through your best. I feel you about putting a smile on your face for your children, I too do the same. We are survivors not victims, we won't let how we are supposed to feel dictate how we do feel. We will not sit and watch life pass us by, we may have to take a break some days but we will continue to live cause that is what GOD put us here to do. Love ya!!!

  2. Sixx, I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a son who has Autism. You can not tell he has Autism by looking at him so when people come up to talk to him, I tell them that he has Autism and is non-verbal….That doesn't mean I want to give you a whole history lesson on Autism. One woman went as far as to say that he looks cuter than my other children…WHAT THE HECK! lol…Hang in there Sixx, keep focus on all things good & stay bless my sister 😉

  3. Uh no..your aren't being a baby OR a bitch. If you're being a bitch you have the right to be! Who in the hell would go around and say something as stupid as that! I would get offended, too. Whoever said that should be ashamed AND you don't even know them like that? PLEASE! As for the "don't look sick" comment maybe they are just complimenting you but I can see how you woukd be offended. I'm sorry you're going through all this. Its never a good feeling when the body feels weak but its good you are listening to your body! Praying for better days for you. You are a strong woman to keep doing what you're doing!

  4. It's in our nature to be negative. It's sad that some actually feel that they're "helping" you by telling you the worst case scenario. I know people who are living with lupus and are healthy as can be. THAT is what I would tell you. THAT would lift you up. Life is hard, but just be happy that God is in control & not us :)xoxo

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