Category: triggers

aunaturale, autoimmune, blog, depression, guilt, headache, lupie chick, lupus, miss sixx, motherhood, natural hair, roller coaster, triggers, womens health

Depression and Guilt

The Lupie Chick

I was contacted on Twitter by a follower that told me she was thinking about me. Initially I thought- she had run across one of my tweets on her timeline about these migraines. She then went on to tell me about a young lady that lives in her county, 19 years old, has a 4 month old baby, recently diagnosed with Lupus and defective heart. As you know with Twitter you can only type 140 characters, so her message came over to me in 3 tweets. I told her to please give the young lady a hug for me (sometimes all I want is a hug- no words.. just a tight hug) and let her know that she isn’t alone- then 5 seconds later the 3rd part of her tweet came-the young lady-19 years old, lost her battle with Lupus- she died over the weekend. I literally burst into tears right then and there. Although I consistently tell myself that Lupus isn’t a death sentence- for some – it is. From the time of her diagnosis she was extremely sick, and the disease just took over.

According to my Twitter friend, her entire community is heartbroken over this- and I am also heartbroken. In one tweet I realize that I could have been the women she speaks of. I could be the women whose community is heartbroken over my death, instead of my children not remembering me- it would be my 6 month old grandson that wouldn’t remember me. I cried for 2 hours. I didn’t know the young lady however I was sad and I was feeling guilty. I didn’t understand the guilt part- WHY WOULD I FEEL GUILTY??? Is this a whole nother set of emotions I have to work through?

I realize that dealing with Lupus and the symptoms affect my emotional health and my family. I’ve begun to notice that my mini me ( daughter) is always checking on me ( more than usual), she is always saying “ mom are you ok”. She text me a lot and when we are home alone she lays beside me in the bed, as if she is watching over me. She even said to me the other day “why are you doing that- you know you’re going to make your head hurt”. All I could think about was the young lady’s child who is only 4 months old most likely won’t remember her, why did the disease have to attack her and take her away from her child, her family, and her friends? Why was she chosen as oppose to me or someone else? WHY? WHY? WHY?

I started surfing the web for help- I was an emotional wreck, and I needed some clarity. I ran across this statement: You may feel agitated or angry, and find it difficult to concentrate, relax or sleep. You may also feel guilty, as you realize your family is now going to have to take up the chores you normally do. This stage of emotional distress then gives way to bouts of depression, sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends. During this time, you may be prone to sudden outbursts of tears, set off by reminders of your inability to perform simple tasks, and memories of your old lifestyle. Over time, the pain, sadness and depression start to lessen. You begin to see your life in a more positive light again. The final phase of grieving is to let go of the thoughts of being able to return completely to your old lifestyle and move on with your new life. This helps any lingering depression to clear, and your sleeping patterns and energy levels improve.

Reading that made me understands that what I’m feeling is normal and it’s a process. I have to take one day at a time, work through the grief, pain, and the guilt. I will honor her (the lady that lost her battle) by NOT giving into depression, and not giving up on life.

“You never lose peace once you find it. Peace sometimes lies hidden beneath a veil of unkind thoughts, confusion, or pain. Shake loose the discontent from the veil and peace is readily accessible.” ~ Rion ~ *my new favorite quote*

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Am I Being a Baby or a B*tch

The Lupie Chick

I’m going to preface this by saying- I’m NOT in a good space right now. I’m agitated, and annoyed. I force a smile upon my face daily to provide my children the comfort of knowing that mommy is going to be ok. Outside of wearing makeup to cover the skin rash, I also wear makeup to make my face look brighter and “awake”.

I’m realizing that some people have diarrhea of the mouth and don’t know when to SHUT UP! I understand that people sometime want to say something, but don’t know what to say. What I don’t need is for you to tell me about your family member(s) or neighbor(s) that died from Lupus. I’m NOT bringing the thought of death into my mind space. Dont’t tell me its reality- maybe YOUR REALITY- BUT NOT MINE! A typical convo go like this:

You: I’m so sorry to hear you have Lupus

Me: Thank you, I appreciate the concern

You: I had a cousin that had Lupus- the medications are deadly, it killed her

Me: -_- (no response)

You: tomorrow, I will bring you my cousin doctor’s info. We’ll talk about it later… I gotta go

WHAT!!! Do people not understand boundaries?? I find those types of conversations completely out of line- especially coming from people that I’ve only had 10-15 mins worth of conversation with in the past year. The first few time it happened I bitched about it internally and shrugged it off. The occurrences are too frequent. The last time, I told the person (while gritting my teeth) that the conversation was inappropriate and although I appreciate the concern, I would rather not discuss myself or Lupus any further- Good right? No… I find out later she went and told someone else that she was only trying to provide comforting words to me and I was being a bitch- how comforting is it telling me that the lupus meds killed your cousin?

In addition to people telling me death stories, I’m constantly being hit with “You don’t look sick!”Let’s address that- WHAT EXACTLY DOES SICK LOOK LIKE? Do I need to look like I’m on my death bed to appease you? you’re curiosity? What is your definition of a sick chick? Tell me?

I put in a lot of effort not to look the way I feel. Most times I feel like I’ve been ran over by a truck then shoved into the boxing ring with Mike Tyson {and he wins!). I still have to work, I still have to be available and mobile to my children and I don’t want to give into “being SICK”. I’m NOT going to do it!

I’ve never felt the type of fatigue that I experience at least 6 days out of 7. The smallest task (cooking for example) will take me to a place of exhaustion. I’m now listening to my body- when it says sit down, I sit… When it say lay down- I lay, when it say- YOU’RE NOT GOING- I DON’T GO… Point…Blank…Period.com

As, I’ve previously advised, I will not push my body beyond limits- won’t and cant! I will not allow any negative energy into my mental space- You’ve been EVICTED- so when I just turn and walk away from the negativity- take that as notice! You’ve been served!


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aunaturale, diet, emotional, headache, headache diary, lupie chick, lupus, migraines, miss sixx, mobile apps, mz sixx, natural hair, skin disorder, supplements, triggers, womens health, you tube

Coping with Lupus Headaches

The Lupie Chick



I have begun to suffer from Lupus headaches. These are not like the average headache, pop a Tylenol and it go away. These are more on the end of migraines. My head feel like its splitting, pounding, piercing, throbbing and aching all at the same time. Followed by a spinning sensation like a tornado and a feeling of nauseous and sometimes vomiting. Typically these headaches start mid day and lasting hours into the evening. Thus far, I’ve been taking Ibuprofen to treat these headaches, but most of the time the only relief I get is from rest. I turn off the lights (make the room as dark as possible), turn off the TV, and go to sleep.

I’ve been told that one of the ways to help prevent headaches or migraines is to understand your possible triggers. In order to do this, health care providers often recommend using a migraine diary (also known as a headache diary). This is a tool that allows you to clearly capture, in a standardized way, how often you get migraines, how severe they are, and the possible relationship to physical, emotional, or environmental factors. There are several down able diaries, electronic diaries, and headache diary apps(s) for (Iphone, Ipad, and Droid Mobile cell phones). * They make apps for everything* lol…lol

I’m trying to avoid harsher treatments and drugs such as Plaquenil and prednisone to treat these headache episodes. This seems to be the first drug of choice upon complaint of the headaches. I prefer natural alternatives therapies such as exercise, diet supplements, meditation, special diets and maintaining a strong support system. I’ve also been told that conserving energy by setting limits on how I spend my time is helpful. Fatigue is a common complaint for lupies. Listening to your body’s signals by resting or taking short naps during the day can help reduce the occurrence of lupus headaches.

I’m starting my headache diary today, a gluten free diet, and hopefully I can figure out what or who (lol..lol..)are my triggers . If you have any advice- please share ….