antidepressant, aunaturale, awareness, blogger, depression, Facebook, Instagram, lupie chick, lupie chick project, lupus, lupus Awareness, lupus foundation, medicine, spoonie, stress, Twitter, zoloft

Not The End Of Me


Not The End Of Me
Who am I?
I don’t know…
Had I become that person I so despise?
My thoughts
Deep, dark, and unrecognizable
Who am I?
Did I just give up?
Given up on life, love, my passions, and everything in between
Who am I?
A cry baby
Weak
Distorted thoughts
State of confusion
Broken Spirit
Negative
Shaken
Stirred
Who am I?
A silent voice and distant eyes
That no one hears my cry’s
Who am I?
Drowning in the depths of sorrow,
with no tears left to cry.
Who am I?
© The Lupie Chick 2013

I’ve been was battling depression for the past 6 months. A lot of stress triggers has occurred with my relocation to Georgia, my employment, my health, and a multitude of other things. I leaned heavily on my sister- friends that keep praying for my recovery and strength to come out of this dark space. I was having uncontrollable crying spells, insomnia, panic attacks, nightmares (when I would finally sleep) and just an overall feeling of failure. I wanted to die. In my opinion, my spirit was already dead. I was in a very dark mind space and I couldn’t see my way out. While at one of my doctor visits, the doctor was asking me questions and I just looked up at him (as if I was possessed by a demon) and blurted out “I really don’t give a fuck right now.. Whatever you want to do is fine with me, I’m ready to go” I stood up and WALKED OUT, crying as I left his office. Later that evening I received a recorded call from Kroger pharmacy telling me my prescription was ready. [Insert demonic look and gas face] “What damn prescription?? I figured it was a wrong number and I ignored the message. 2 days later I received the recorded call again, I was in Kroger ( at Starbucks) and figured I would go over there and tell them to stop calling me ( they were using my day time minutes and I don’t have any to spare). When I reached the counter, the pharmacist acknowledged that I did have a prescription and it was ready. 
ME:  “YOU CAN KEEP IT- I HAVE NO INSURANCE & NO MONEY!”
Pharmacist: “Ms Dugar your cost is $4 and if you have Kroger points I can reduce that to $2” Me: [face twisted and annoyed] fine [mumbling and grumbling]
Pharmacist: Please step to the counseling window
ME: Continue face twisting/mumbling/grumbling
Pharmacist: You have been prescribed Zoloft. Zoloft is known to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), social anxiety disorder (SAD), and panic disorder. This medicine is an antidepressant called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI).
ME: [insert, hand on hip, pissed off stance] so what exactly are you saying because I didn’t ask for this?
Pharmacist: Ma’am you may want to call your physician, this prescription was called in
ME: Yeah, I’ma call him [pulls out phone and call doctor office]
After calming down a little and speaking with my physician, I now understand that his prescription wasn’t an insult to my mental stability; it was care, concern, and very well NEEDED! My physician began to tell me he sensed that I was stressed and I was displaying signs of depression. After finishing up the call, I went home, got on the Internet to do additional research.“Between 15 and 60 percent of people with a chronic illness will experience clinical depression. This may be brought on by lupus, by the various medications used to treat lupus, and/or by any of the factors and forces in a person’s life that are not related to lupus. For reasons that are not entirely understood, this type of depression is often experienced by people with chronic disease.”Lupus Foundation of America
 I encourage anyone that exhibits any of the following to consult with a physician.
·  Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness
·  Sadness
·  Crying (often without reason)
·  Insomnia or restless sleep, or sleeping too much
·  Changes in appetite leading to weight loss or weight gain
·  Feelings of uneasiness, anxiety, or irritability
·  Feelings of guilt or regret
·  Lowered self-esteem or feelings of worthlessness
·  Inability to concentrate or difficulty thinking
·  Diminished memory and recall
·  Indecisiveness
·  Lack of interest in things formerly enjoyed
·  Lack of energy
·  General slowing and clouding of mental functions
·  Diminished sexual interest and/or perfor­mance
·  Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide
I’ve exhibited 15 out of the 16 signs above. As a friend or a family member- please do not assume that a person is having a pity party or just “need to get over it”. There were moments I wanted to die, and a friend response to me was “oh Sixx, come on now, you’re having a pity party”. Depression is very serious and HARD to overcome. I’m not 100% recovered (even with the help of Zoloft).  I take it day by day-sometimes-minute by minute. When I say THANK YOU [to my my inner circle]-it’s not just 2 words. I know I have a praying circle around me-and you’re prays has kept me covered. [ praise & testimony]
  • Between 15 and 60 percent of people with a chronic illness will experience clinical depression.
  • Clinical depression may be a result of the ways in which lupus physically affects your body.
  • Some of the medicines to treat lupus—especially corticosteroids such as prednisone (and at higher doses of 20 mg or more)—play a role in causing clinical depression.
  • Clinical depression may be a result of the continuous series of emotional and psychological stressors associated with living with a chronic illness.
  • Clinical depression may be a result of neurologic problems or experiences unrelated to lupus.
  • Clinical depression also produces anxiety, which may aggravate physical symptoms (headache, stomach pain, etc.).
  • Two common feelings associated with clinical depression are hopelessness and helplessness. People who feel hopeless believe that their distressing symptoms may never improve. People who feel helpless believe they are beyond help—that no one cares enough to help them or could succeed in helping, even if they tried.
 Keep in Touch

Twitter: @lupieeChick
Instagram: @naturally_lupie
Email: lupiechick@gmail.com
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aunaturale, autoimmune, depression, detox, diet, headache, insomnia, meditate, migraines, miss sixx, mz sixx, natural hair, peace, reflect, relax, skin care, skin disorder, womens health

Day 9: Younger Looking Skin plan

Reflect and Relax
By Amy Wechsler, MD

Reflect on Your Journey This is the final day of the Younger Looking Skin plan! Think about how the last 9 days have been for you. What’s gone well? Do you feel physically and emotionally different than you did last weekend? What helped you most? Was it getting more sleep, connecting with friends, having more sex, or learning to meditate?

Take Two Just for You Pick the stress buster that you’ve liked doing best — meditating, breathing, making love, having a worry session, whatever — and do it twice today.
And don’t forget to get your beauty sleep, be positive, foster friendships, move your body, eat clean, go green, relax, and simplify.

You’ve completed the 9-Day Mind-Beauty Makeover and tapped the power of The Mind-Beauty Connection to start reversing the effects of tension and time. You should be looking and feeling not only younger but also happier, healthier, and more whole; less stressed, more you.

By continuing even some of the new habits you’ve picked up in the last 9 days, you’ll keep looking and feeling terrific, not just for now, but for life. Use these tips to nurture the beauty in you:
Stick to your newly formed habits as best you can over the next several weeks as your body continues to adjust and respond.

Feel free to add and subtract things that worked especially well for you, or didn’t. The point is to discover what helps you, and that’s going to be as individual as you and your life are. Use Dr. Amy’s 7 Habits for Healthy Skin to stay on track.

Focus on making your daily activity something you look forward to. Get inspired with these videos.

Keep a handle on stress, don’t skimp on sleep or healthy eats, and don’t get lured in by the latest beauty products.

Tell someone else how the mind-beauty connection can reverse stress aging and bring out the best in her looks.

The information included on this blog is for educational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation or if they have any questions regarding a medical condition or treatment plan.

arthritis, aunaturale, autoimmune, awareness, depression, fitness, immune system, lupie chick, lupus, miss sixx, mz sixx, rheumatoid, treatment, womens health

Reap the Benefits of Physical Activity

Day 5: Be active for younger looking skin

By Amy Wechsler, MD

Get Moving for Better Skin, Better Sleep
Do at least 30 minutes of physical activity today, and schedule some time for a few more active half hours over the next few days. Whether it’s taking a class at your gym, going for a power walk with friends, taking a bike ride, or playing Frisbee in the park — there are lots of options for doing your body good. Choose something you enjoy.

There’s no point in being miserable.
Try one of these free workout videos — there’s something for everyone.
And get this: Exercise during the day helps you fall asleep at night and improves the quality of your beauty sleep. Just another one of the health benefits of physical activity.
Remember to eat well, go green, relax, and simplify.

Treat Yourself to Something Special
You’ve hit the halfway mark to better skin! Block out an hour today or tomorrow — 1 full hour — to do anything you’d like. Veg in front of the TV; go shopping for new makeup at a department store where you can get some TLC (check out Dr. Amy’s Most-Worth-It Beauty Splurges); get a manicure and pedicure or the massage you still haven’t had yet. Just make sure it’s fun and relaxing. This is quality you time.

The information included on this blog is for educational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation or if they have any questions regarding a medical condition or treatment plan.

aunaturale, autoimmune, beauty, cleasner, depression, etsy, exfoliate, gentle, insomnia, lupie chick, lupus, moisturizers, ocm, routine, skin disorder, SPF

9 Days to Younger Looking Skin- Day 1

If you follow my natural hair care blog (Au’Naturale By Mz Sixx) then you know all too well about my skin issues. I once had BEAUTIFUL, BUTTERY, BROWN skin. Over the years my skin has become scarred, problematic, and sensitive. I’ve recently discovered that alot of my issues are Lupus related. I’ve already begun a “simple” beauty routine, to help clear my skin of the acne outbreaks, rashes, redness, and scarring. I ran across this article and thought I would share. I will be posting tips by Amy Wechsler, MD 9 days to skin renewal plan.

Day 1Simplify Your Beauty Routine
Pare Down Your Beauty Products- Over treating your skin with multiple products is one of the most common problems dermatologist Amy Wechsler sees, so narrow your collection down to a few select items. Dr. Amy’s must-haves:

One gentle everyday facial cleanser
Two good moisturizers — one with sunscreen for day, and another for night
An exfoliate to use two or three times a week ( I make a natural sugar scrub that’s gentle & moisturizing- I use it 3-4 times a week)

Simplify Your Skin Routine
In the morning, wash your face with your hands — they’re naturally thorough, but gentle. Apply your daytime moisturizer to still-damp skin; let it soak in before applying makeup.

Repeat at night, but spend a minute longer washing your face to be sure you remove all makeup, dirt, and residue from the day. Then, apply your nighttime moisturizer.
Recommended Skin Products
CLEANSERS
Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleanser
Purpose Gentle Cleansing Wash
Dove Sensitive Skin Foaming Facial Cleanser
Aveeno Ultra-Calming Foaming Cleanser

** I use Cetaphil Gentle skin Cleanser on the days when I wear makeup I do the OCM cleaning method**

For acne-prone skin, try one of these:
Clinique’s Acne Solutions Cleansing Foam
Clean & Clear Advantage Acne Cleanser
Topix Benzoyl Peroxide 5% Wash

DAYTIME MOISTURIZERS
Eucerin Extra Protective Moisture Lotion with SPF 30
Kinerase Cream SPF 30
Topix Replenix CF Anti-Photoaging Complex SPF 45
Neutrogena Healthy Defense SPF 30
Aveeno Continuous Protection Sunblock Lotion for the Face SPF 30
** I use Neutrogena Healthy Defense SPF 30 **

NIGHTTIME MOISTURIZERS
Aveeno Ultra-Calming Moisturizing Cream
Topix Replenix Cream
Cetaphil Moisturizing Lotion
Revale Skin Night Cream (contains coffee berry)
Two that contain retinol:
Philosophy Help Me Retinol Night Treatment
Topix Replenix Retinol Smoothing Serum 2X, 3X, and 10X (also contains green tea polyphenols)
** I use Cetaphil Moisturizing Lotion **

EXFOLIATING TONERS
Clinique’s Clarifying Lotions (or try their 7-Day Scrub Cream Rinse-Off Formula)
Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Toner
Philosophy Microdelivery Peel Pads
Daily Microfoliant by Dermalogica
La Roche-Posay Effaclar Toner
** I use Rose Water or Homemade Green Tea Toner**

For acne-prone skin, try this:
La Roche-Posay Effaclar Toner Astringent Lotion

Get Ready for Beauty Sleep
Start by asking yourself: How many hours of sleep do I need to feel really refreshed? If the answer is 8, and you normally get up at 6 a.m., you should be in bed by 10 p.m. That means you need to call it a day by 9 p.m. to give yourself an hour to wind down and wash up. ** my doctor recommend this as well with help with insomnia**

Need extra inspiration?
Sometimes we jump into new routines without much thought, and then drift away from them after a few days. Keep that from happening this time by mentally stepping into your plan. Spend at least 15 minutes focusing on why you’re doing this and what you’re hoping to get out of it. Then, go for it. It’s only 9 days, after all.

aunaturale, autoimmune, blog, depression, guilt, headache, lupie chick, lupus, miss sixx, motherhood, natural hair, roller coaster, triggers, womens health

Depression and Guilt

I was contacted on Twitter by a follower that told me she was thinking about me. Initially I thought- she had run across one of my tweets on her timeline about these migraines. She then went on to tell me about a young lady that lives in her county, 19 years old, has a 4 month old baby, recently diagnosed with Lupus and defective heart. As you know with Twitter you can only type 140 characters, so her message came over to me in 3 tweets. I told her to please give the young lady a hug for me (sometimes all I want is a hug- no words.. just a tight hug) and let her know that she isn’t alone- then 5 seconds later the 3rd part of her tweet came-the young lady-19 years old, lost her battle with Lupus- she died over the weekend. I literally burst into tears right then and there. Although I consistently tell myself that Lupus isn’t a death sentence- for some – it is. From the time of her diagnosis she was extremely sick, and the disease just took over.

According to my Twitter friend, her entire community is heartbroken over this- and I am also heartbroken. In one tweet I realize that I could have been the women she speaks of. I could be the women whose community is heartbroken over my death, instead of my children not remembering me- it would be my 6 month old grandson that wouldn’t remember me. I cried for 2 hours. I didn’t know the young lady however I was sad and I was feeling guilty. I didn’t understand the guilt part- WHY WOULD I FEEL GUILTY??? Is this a whole nother set of emotions I have to work through?

I realize that dealing with Lupus and the symptoms affect my emotional health and my family. I’ve begun to notice that my mini me ( daughter) is always checking on me ( more than usual), she is always saying “ mom are you ok”. She text me a lot and when we are home alone she lays beside me in the bed, as if she is watching over me. She even said to me the other day “why are you doing that- you know you’re going to make your head hurt”. All I could think about was the young lady’s child who is only 4 months old most likely won’t remember her, why did the disease have to attack her and take her away from her child, her family, and her friends? Why was she chosen as oppose to me or someone else? WHY? WHY? WHY?

I started surfing the web for help- I was an emotional wreck, and I needed some clarity. I ran across this statement: You may feel agitated or angry, and find it difficult to concentrate, relax or sleep. You may also feel guilty, as you realize your family is now going to have to take up the chores you normally do. This stage of emotional distress then gives way to bouts of depression, sadness, silence and withdrawal from family and friends. During this time, you may be prone to sudden outbursts of tears, set off by reminders of your inability to perform simple tasks, and memories of your old lifestyle. Over time, the pain, sadness and depression start to lessen. You begin to see your life in a more positive light again. The final phase of grieving is to let go of the thoughts of being able to return completely to your old lifestyle and move on with your new life. This helps any lingering depression to clear, and your sleeping patterns and energy levels improve.

Reading that made me understands that what I’m feeling is normal and it’s a process. I have to take one day at a time, work through the grief, pain, and the guilt. I will honor her (the lady that lost her battle) by NOT giving into depression, and not giving up on life.

“You never lose peace once you find it. Peace sometimes lies hidden beneath a veil of unkind thoughts, confusion, or pain. Shake loose the discontent from the veil and peace is readily accessible.” ~ Rion ~ *my new favorite quote*

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